What is your life?

When I was younger I could not believe that one day I would actually make it to high school. When I was a little older I couldn't imagine getting my driver's license. Then I didn't think it was possible that I was going to graduate from high school and go to college. My mind even went as far as to think maybe I'd just die before I made it to the next milestone because it was that unfathomable. Well here I am years later- very much alive, with my driver's license and college degree looking towards the next big life event.

But the truth is that I might not even finish typing this paragraph let alone get married and have kids one day.

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.

What is your life?

You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."

James 4:14

I was still working my way steadily through 'Crazy Love' by Francis Chan when I got to pages 41-42 and I have been stuck there ever since. Literally every time I have opened the book in the past week I have only read those two pages. They are rocking my world so much that I want to share it with anyone who may stumble intentionally or accidentally across this page.

In the beginning of chapter 2 is this quote:

"Intellectually we all know that we will die,

but we do not really know it in the sense

that the knowledge becomes a part of us.

We do not really know it in the sense

of living as though it were true.

On the contrary,

we tend to live as though our lives would go on forever."

-Frederick Buechner

Why am I so delusional when it comes to my view of my own existence? How did I get so prideful in the perspective I have on my life's worth? Why do I think my life will go on forever?

Here are the words that have been wrecking me over and over-

"I used to believe that in this world there are two kinds of people: natural worriers and naturally joyful people. I couldn't help it that I was the worrying kind. I'm a problem solver, so I have to focus on things that need fixing. God can see that my intensity and anxiety are ministry related. I worry because I take His work seriously.

Right?

But then there's that perplexing command: 'Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (Phil. 4:4). You'll notice that it doesn't end with "...unless you're doing something extremely important." No, it's a command for all of us, and it follows with the charge, "Do not be anxious about anything" (vs. 6).

That came as a pretty staggering realization. But what I realized next was even more staggering.

When I am consumed by my problems- stressed out about my life, my family, and my job- I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.

Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.

Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.

Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won't be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed.

Why are we so quick to forget God? Who do we think we are?"

-'Crazy Love,' Francis Chan (Pg. 41-42)

I am that person Chan is describing. I am the "natural worrier" who can justify every ounce of worry and stress in my life until I have convinced myself that those ugly behaviors aren't actually so ugly. James is so right when he challenges us, "What is your life?" There is nothing beautiful about me or my life apart from the purpose of pointing to the King. Nothing. So every minute I spend glorifying myself or getting caught up in the stresses of this world or even day dreaming about future days that may never come is 100% worthless and wasted. Those are minutes I will never be able to get back- but regret isn't worth my time either. So all I can do is live today as if it were the last I have and spend it glorifying the one who gave me breath.

"They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

Isaiah 61:3b

We were planted here to display His splendor, not our own... because honestly we don't have any apart from him!

"It is with our sins that we go to God,

for we have nothing else to go with that we can call our own..."

-Horatius Bonar

But he takes even those sins and makes them something to be displayed for his splendor!

Hallelujah and Amen!

B